Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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