hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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