You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
