I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
