I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
