remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
