My nipple is on Facebook.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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