sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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