I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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