youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
