I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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