Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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