how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
lets start a swedish sibling band together
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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