Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
