She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
