I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
