I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I deserve this hangover.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
