Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Everyone says I win the strip club
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
PANTIES FOUND
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