I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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