How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dicks are not precious.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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