Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
