you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
