You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
