So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
