If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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