my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
