I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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