That's intense
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
