I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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