so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
