I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
