addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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