i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
