I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
