i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
