Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
