Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
