You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
