He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
