I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
