I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
