when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
