About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
