Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dick very happy bro
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
