those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
