Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
