dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
