I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
