sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
