sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
