so let's talk penis.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
